This is Sparta?

By Jonathan Au

     I'm not a historian or anything close to that, but I'm pretty sure this film is a highly inaccurate portrayal of the Spartans and Persians. You really can't tell what is fake and what is the truth if you knew nothing about them and the Battle of Thermopylae beforehand. This film by itself exemplifies how movie cliches and mass media ruins a historical event and a well anticipated movie experience. Simply, my biggest objection to this film is how Zach Snyder, director of 300, deviates from reality so much so that some of the scenes in the film look seemingly impossible.  There is too much gore and too much repetition where it just succumbs to eventual boredom.

    The first couple scenes were pretty believable until the part with the wolf. I mean, hang on a second. A young boy (half naked and barefoot) in below freezing weather is going up against a full grown wolf with just a stick? I don't about you, but if a big bad wolf was coming after me and I'm freezing, I think I'll take my chances and hide or play dead. No, instead, little Leonidas goes up against this wolf and wins to complete his right of passage! Firstly, in terms of rational thinking, the wolf should have won. This clearly demonstrates the exaggeration of a fable tale because after all, a Spartan boy's right of passage was not to kill a wolf in the first place.

 

     Now let's take a look at the Spartan men. Aside from antagonizing the physique of an American, there is a fine line between making the protagonists look good and making them look overly unbelievable. The Spartans were a pretty fit group of men and more than adequate in their fighting abilities, but their over sized pecs and their soda-sized six pack were just simply too much. There was no way their bodies would have looked like that back then. The result almost gives you an army of artistic creations instead of actual human beings. 

     You probably also noticed that these Spartan men wore nothing but a cape, a speedo, and sandals to war. They carried with them a sword, a spear, and a shield. Occasionally, you would see them with a helmet, which just seems to appear out of nowhere causing some discrepancies in the film. It's also not exactly the wardrobe you would decide to wear if you are planning to go up against thousands and thousands of Persians. Historically, body armor was actually a valuable asset to the Spartan soldiers. This is yet another deviant in order to characterize the Spartans to be better than they really are.

     Here's a random scene I picked out. Now I don't know if you find this weird, but a giant well/pit in the middle of Sparta? This image just seems absurd to me. Not only do the Spartans kick the Persian messengers inside the pit but wouldn't it be as easy for them to fall into it themselves? I don't want to imagine what it would be like for a midnight stroll in Sparta and suddenly finding myself falling down a pit of nothingness. Perhaps it was simply for dramatic effects. Yeah, that sounds about right.

     And what is up with the bad guys (Persians)? I guess we're suppose to believe Xerxes was really into piercings...all over his face and body. Just talking about it really creeps me out. He is just so dolled up that I can hardly imagine him being masculine enough to take over anything much less be the King of Persia. And his armies? They look ridiculously hideous and exceptionally weak in terms of their fighting abilities. The significant difference between the Spartans and the Persians just makes you wonder if there was just too much hype to the Spartans themselves. The answer? Most certainly.

    The Spartans weren't really the "good guys" and they definitely didn't fight the Persians alone. This film was built around exaggerations. Most of the film's references were not given in accurate terms. The numerous slow-motion killings were also too overdone. The Spartans looked way too good while the Persians looked worse than they really were. It's no wonder why the Iranians were upset when the film was released to the public. Unless you're interested in a fantasy that really makes no sense or you're bloodthirsty for gore, take my word for it; it's much better to grab your popcorn and watch something else. I hear Inception really blows your mind.